Dec 27 2011 Two days after Christmas. (I had no clue until I wrote this today 4/19 and looked up the date of the comments) I weigh 190.6 I am up a few pounds from the end of Nov.
So chemo and radiation are over. We (Tracy and I are unmistakenly a "we" by now) are 25 days out now from treatment. Our first visit after treatment with my Oncologist today. I get cleaned up and dressed up and try to look presentable. No hair of course. Can't swallow. All my food and water come via an IV now. Still feeling like crap and on TPN but I will show no weakness today. My Oncologist (a woman) had made fun of my clothes falling off last time she saw me. "Crack attack" or something similar as I was hitching up the waist of my pants leaving the exam room. I was also feeling pretty puny and still sick last time I saw her. And didn't like the comment or give a shit about how I looked. Pissed me off AGAIN. Seemed to be a rather regular occurrence on office visits through out treatment and it has continued. It was never was a "team" approach in any one's imagination no matter what was claimed going in.
10 days earlier I had walked around the house once. That walk is 2.2 miles Which was really tough at the time. I damn near hit my max HR just walking over a small rise in the road. Mid 180s anyway. Almost more than I was capable of at the time. I hadn't and wasn't going to do THAT again anytime soon. Hadn't been on the bike yet. And today I was told with greta authority, "now you need to get some exercise".
I'm thinking...you have "no freakin clue lady". Empathy was never her high point. Reality didn't keep her from making such silly ass comments either.
Sorry I digress.
The idea of more exercise seemed rather trivial once she announced, "You will lose some teeth. Typical with radiation and chemo you'll lose some teeth, be sure to visit your Dentist again soon."
And I am thinking.."What the fuck do you know, you haven't even looked at my teeth or mouth!"
May be it was the shock of her statement that made me damn near bite my tongue off instead of screaming at her. More likely it was just having Tracy in the room that was really keeping me in check socially.
WTF! There are a lot of things you lose in this "cure". Losing my teeth wasn't in the plan. I was more than a little freaked out by the comment. Freaking out seemed to happen on a way too frequent schedule in this process.
I got into the Dentist literally the next day. I had a few minor issues with my teeth but I wouldn't lose any of them in the short term anyway.
Thanks Doc for adding that totally unwarranted stress to my life. WTF are people thinking? Obviously they aren't at times.
Chemo and radiation turns you into a old man in very short order. No matter how strong or tough you think you are. Losing your teeth just highlights what the poisons in your body are doing to you. Not like you miss any of the signs on that road. Having your Doctor be casual about something as serious as losing your teeth and being wrong at the same time (and not do an exam before such a proclamation) does nothing for you mental health. Nothing. It did how ever piss me off again.
Funny I spent very little time being angry through this entire process. Generally when I did get angry it was because I was scared shitless. The threat of losing my teeth was one of those times. Every other time I remember (Tracy may have other thoughts) I was angry at the medical staff for not realizing just how badly the treatments effected me. 3 or 4 times at the Docs, once at the radiation staff and twice getting IVs done. Seems like a lot now that I count them up. Patience is never my strong point and I was very thin most of the time through this.
No excuses. I don't suffer easily or well in silence.
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